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Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Dead As A Doornail (Sookie Stackhouse # 5) Charlaine Harris


2016 Edit: I use the word slut in this review, negatively. In the past few years I have changed quite a bit. I try to not judge a woman by how many sexual partners she has had: her body, her business. I also try not to use slut in a negative way . I won't edit the review because it is who I was more than four years ago, but I did want to put in this notation as a warning. I do wish the author had allowed Sookie to embrace her sexual escapades rather than slut shame other women and make Sookie so hypocritical. Thanks.

*spoiler alert*
And now on to Dead As A Door Nail. First off I did want to mention that this book wasn’t terrible as far as plot goes. We get to see a lot of the Were community which is a nice change, Bill isn’t there as much but on a down side neither is Eric and we have to see stupid Alcide again. While the plot of someone shooting Weres was interesting, this book has a standard fall back of Sookie getting the short end of the stick… Probably that way every man can come running to hump her leg and “save” her.

Interesting things

1) Charles-the pirate- vampire. While yeah he’s a baddie and you totally see that coming since, c’mon, after all he is the newest bar tender at Fangtasia…. Aside from this, Charles is a colorful funny character.

2) Sookie refusing to let Charles sleep in her house, even though we all know she will, at least she tries and puts up a good fight, some real spunk after all.

3) Eric/Bubba/Pam- All characters I enjoy.

4) The End- a) because it was over, b) best Sookie line ever and c) in the end she tells people where to stick it.

Things I hated:

1) Sookie talking about her ugly dumb clothes like she actually has a clue, and sunbathing… AGAIN!

2) Bill trying to one up vampire pirate Charles by telling him in a crude way that he used to fuck Sookie… I mean is this guy trying to lose points? What a f-ing jerk!

3) Sookie- house burned down, shot at and is beaten up, oh don’t forget almost raped again….. We get it. Not only is she a trouble magnet, weak damsel in distress, she also has no sense of self preservation. RUN BITCH! At this point hanging with vamps is not longer worth the “peaceful silence” they bring.

4) Sookie telling Sam it would look inappropriate if she stays with him after her house is burned down… Ummmm she has been called a lot worst because she dates vampires. And AGAIN I have to hear about the fact that vampires cannot marry. Barf.

5) Why does EVERYONE want this obnoxious slut? I mean she kissed Sam/Alcide/Bill/Eric and Calvin Norris in this book, granted most of them start it, with all of them her hormones practically leap from her chest screaming, YES, NOW FUCK ME! I cannot imagine she is really all that great.

6) We meet down time Sookie. What she is interested in… Uhhhh. A whole lot of nothing. Sookie likes to a) sunbathe b) shave all her body hair off b) cook, which she is pretty good at apparently d) read (though this is the first time it is mentioned and she never says what she actually reads.)

7) Jason- Someone explain why this author always makes her brother a macho male d-bag? I am sick of it.

8) Bill/Sookie- in this book Sookie goes over in her head all of the excuses for his bad behavior in Club Dead (you know where he cheats and rapes her?). Pretty much a step by step description of an abusive relationship. A) It wasn’t his fault, B) it was my fault and C) he didn’t mean to, and look how sorry he is. Um Bitch please? He cheated (for months!) and RAPED you!!! Go see a therapist.

9) This is the fourth time someone has tried to rape Sookie, apparently her vagina has magical powers. Rene, Gabe, Bill and Mickey have all been violently drawn to her angry-force lovin-twat. Blah

10) Sookie is judgmental, and a slut, but when she goes to Hotshot she has the audacity to look down at them and get told off because of it. Like she should judge? Isn’t she always harping about how people treat her cause of her “disability?” Just proving how much Sookie sucks. Especially since she likes to talk about what a good Christian she is and how God will forgive her random sex encounters cause she has been “cursed.” *Cue Lightning* *Cue scary music*

Okay so there you have it. Still not as BAD AS Dead Until Dark and Clud Dead… but pretty dang close.

Killing Dance and Bloody Bones (Anita Blake #4,5) Laurell K Hamilton

Joint review, combined rating of 3/5 stars

 So I'm not sure I am really up to major reviews of Anita Blake books. So this is a combined review. I wanted to give it a try, but I have gotten tired of re reading her when I have so much good stuff in my to-be-read pile.

** spoiler alert **

Killing Dance
I basically enjoyed this book.

1) Anita being hunted by an assassin, pretty cool

2) Much Edward LOVE

3) Bad clothing like normal

4) Anita being a bitch, like normal

5) Werewolf drama- pretty cool

6) Necromancy awesomeness- Anita raising vampires is pretty cool, enjoyed the Sabin/Cassandra/Dominic thing even if it was predictble.

7) Robert dying and have to deal with Monica- blah who cares? Anita HATES this bitch.

6) The reason this book got two stars instead of three Anita freaking cheats on Richard and while they try to reason away why she sleeps with Jean Claude it's bull shit. "Oh no Richard shifted on top of me and ate Marcus!" Boo fucking who bitch. While I am pro vampire I have to say this was a shitty excuse to give into her va-jay-jay's whining about wanting Jean Claude’s tasty cock. Cause Jean Claude is a corpse, he drinks people's blood to survive and dies during they day. Plus Anita is a monster herself, I cannot STAND her self righteous bs
Bloody Bones


I loved that in this novel they go away from Saint Louis, and there are fairies and some pretty cool murders to solve.

I enjoy Larry, Jason and the sub characters like normal. I like Anita using her magic and the Bloody Bones story line while interesting could have been played up a bit.

My biggest issues were these:

1) Anita, she is obnoxious I mainly just want her to get her ass kicked and put in her place.

2)Clothing- blah not only is the fashion horrible but why do I need to read a break down of what everyone is wearing in every god damn scene and why do vampires have a fetish with leather, straps and looking like 90's prostitues or pirates?

3) Vampires- Why is these books are all the vampires sick and twisted nut jobs? They almost all have a love for fear, pain, torture, rape or some other sick nastiness. You're telling me that when you become a vampire it just twists you into a crazy lunatic that wants to hurt and fuck over everyone? Why can't we just have a normal non game playing vampire? For me this series is kind of anti vampire because all of them are made to be monsters. Even the "good" ones have severe issues.

I honestly think LKH has some issues that instead of dealing with she puts into her books, especially in regards to sex.