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Monday, April 15, 2013

Definitely Dead- Charlaine Harris

2016 Edit: I use the word slut in this review, negatively. In the past few years I have changed quite a bit. I try to not judge a woman by how many sexual partners she has had: her body, her business. I also try not to use slut in a negative way . I won't edit the review because it is who I was more than four years ago, but I did want to put in this notation as a warning. I do wish the author had allowed Sookie to embrace her sexual escapades rather than slut shame other women and make Sookie so hypocritical. Thanks.

** spoiler alert **

 Okay so here we go with Definitely Dead…….Ummm so we are back into the 3 star category.

We’ll start with where we left off, yes? Sookie living in the apartment Sam loaned her after her house got burned down. But ummm. WAIT NO! She’s already back in her own home? Uh? How much time has past? We don’t really know. A couple of weeks…But apparently we missed all that in the in-between land known as only in the author’s mind Or perhaps in a short story that was published else where……

Well let’s see some points here… Good and Bad, well who am I kidding, mostly crap.

1) Again I must point out that the innuendos and sex scenes are some of the worst I have ever read, I happened to know that Eric’s “pistol” was more of a .357 Magnum than a snub nose

2) Again I must also point out that for a woman in the 2000’s Sookie has the worst fashion sense and her hair and make up style is not much better. More 90’s really, blech.

3) Oh No!! Sookie is not only beat up like twice in this book, she also almost gets raped twice… This brings the count up to six I think….. And I am sure there is more to come. At this point she really does need to get the hell away from all these supes.

4) Hadley- Unless you read the short story you would have no real idea what was going on. It is just suddenly thrust on you that in a time we didn’t read about Hadley died and left everything to Sookie. The Queen and her lawyer come to Sookie’s house to offer her the reward of punishing the person who killed Hadley (who was doing the Queen). So this whole book really surrounds something that couldn’t even be put in the novel, it had to be a short story, like in hind sight.

5) The ectoplasmic reconstruction- This was quite possibly one of the best things about this book. It was interesting and very well written.

6) Amelia- One of the better characters to be introduced in this series. I am glad she becomes a major player. I just love a Good ole fashioned witch.

7) Quinn- yuck, just another guy trying to get into Sookie’s pants. He’s not as awesome as Eric, though the weretiger thing is pretty fun. But you also just know he’s got some major baggage.

8) Sookie and sex- in this book she tells Quinn over and over again she does not want to have sex so soon in their relationship because of Bill and Eric, she wants to wait and make sure that their relationship is solid. However after only one date they wind up doing such heavy making out in her dead cousin’s apartment that they both get off… Someone tell me how that is taking it slow? We all know Sookie is a slut…. She should just bang him and get it over with.

9) Finally after all this time we find out that Sookie is not special just because she is Sookie… We always knew she was boring, stupid and just barftastic, aside from the telepathy. The big question has always been: Why does everyone want to fuck her? The answer? She has fairy blood! At least this is an explanation, however lame and last minute it actually is.

10) Sookie is actually clever in this book SHOCKER! She does some quick and creative thinking while helping the vampire Queen of Louisiana. I pretty much liked any scene that had Sophie in it.

11) Finding out Bill was a plant by the Queen of Louisiana, sent to seduce Sookie.... Wow cause I can't hate this character any more. I loved how bad Eric felt about this too, he just wanted Sookie to know. Bill is a cheating, lying, cheapscape rapist. Move on girlfriend.

To sum up… This book wasn’t horrible. It had its good moments and its crappy ones. Sad that it is still the MC that makes this series horrid, without her (or if we changed her) this book might have gotten four stars.

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